Just Another Word?

 

 

The same day, that I had to familiarize myself with a new word, I read this:

                    Sometimes I break down
                    overwhelmed by my losses,
                    those past and to come.

                    I unleash crying,
                    fifteen minutes at the most.
´                  Then I dry my tears.

                   I don my joy cloak.
                   It shields me from sorrow’s aim
                   while I heal inside.

                                                                            Judy

15 minutes was not quite enough for me I am afraid, as it seems that 2012 is testing me beyond my limits. So what is the word?

 

Osteoporosis

 

Having to add another diagnosis was a hard "slap in the face" for me. The "only" reason we found out was that it is mandatory to get the examination when being prescribed cortisol - never did I imagine that it would come out postive.

 

I know that there are treatments to keep the symptoms/progress down, but I have yet to find out, what the doctors' plans are.... It is the uncertainty and "what's-next" feeling that is eating me up from inside. Readng other bloggers' stories abouth additional diagnosis to their MS, I have ofteren wondered: How do they handle it in their mind?

 

Need to reconnect with the crafting mojo again to let my mind deal with more positive things, and hopefulle resume my photowalks soon (the fractured arm made photographing hard to do)... just getting a little normalcy back might make the new path a little lighter to walk.

TeaSwap May 2012 - Missing Swap

That just gotta be a swapper's worst nightmare!! Little can freak me out (ok bad news about my health/MS can), but Dori really got me spooked, when she wrote me, notifying me, that she had not yet received my swap.

When I made the original swap for Dori, I used the last of some green paper with flowers, so had to look for an alternative. Still went with the spinner card technique and the red teapot. Replacing the tea samples I could only to partly. Still had some Pukka Vanilla Chai left, but had to replace the ginger tea with Lipton's African Rooibos.

Yesterday was good news - she received the second swap :o)

Happy That Yesterday Is History

People will adapt

to just about anything

if stable and known.

A constant shifting

of what constitutes normal

makes acceptance hard.

A slap in the face.

One thinks this cannot get worse.

By golly, it does.

Judy

Yesterday was just one of those days you wish, that you had never encountered - a true slap in the face as Judy describes it in her Haiku poem. Normally I like getting old fashined letter in the mail box.... just not the kind of letter that I received yesterday.

A while ago I received a letter with the result of the yearly MRI scan: the MS seems to be sleeping - creating a big smile on my face. Yesterday that smile faced severely as I was notified that I have tested positive for a virus that enhances the chances of getting a serious sideeffect when getting my MS treatment. The doctors are now considering if I should stay with the current MS treatment or start a completely different one.

Head is spinning with different scenarioes - one of the dominant ones is: will the new kind of treament have the same positive effect as the current one?

As usually when I want to clear my head a bit I went walking in the nearby park with my camera, and the majority of flowers blooming had the color blue/purple .......... just like my thoughts. Was happy when I found some colorful ones reminding me that I am grateful, that I have so far managed so well... and yet I can not stop wondering if that virus might change everything.

Sigh..... They Changed It :o(

Yes, I know: Sometimes change is good. But not this change!!! Last autumn I found the liqurice cupcake at Agnes, that was scrumptious, and it soon became my after-MS-treatment-treat so sweeten my day.

They have changed the way how they frost this cupcake (see link to old post with previous look above the photo) and it actually totally changes the taste of the whole cupcake. After I found out this Monday, I asked a friend (who also loved this flavour) to check out the new version and she called me up immediately, asking me if I too thought that it tastes differently now. We both believe that the old frosting-way allowed the liqurice taste to seap into the cupcake, now it seems like two seperate parts, where the cake does not quite fit the topping.

Buhu!! They have spoiled my monthly favourite treat after the visit to the hospital, so now it is back to Ben&Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dought ice cream.

Relections on Closed Doors

Browsing through the few pictures I took yesterday, I realise just how much one's mood influences the things that are captured with a camera - closed doors/gates were a dominant eyecatcher for me.

Still marked by the opinions thrown at me last week, that also includes: You are single, hence you have nothing by free time, when the workday ends. Or: you live alone - hence hiding for people in general. What!?! They didn't even want to hear if could prove them wrong.

Maybe I am single but that does not keep me for travelling or going to restaurants alone. Nor from going to cinemas or exhibitions alone neither grap my camera and go for my photowalks and occationally bumping into people, that shares my interest for photography and hence exchanging good opportunities for a nice photo. So many of those throwing those annoying opinions at me are scared of going to the cinema or restaurant alone not to speak of travelling alone. Why is it, that they want to spoil my mood??!!

Reading yesterday's blogpost and the above, made me remember when Starbucks printed people's words on their paper cups - I really miss them, as there were some wise words on them. One in particular I wrote down in the moleskin notebook that is always in by (hand)bag: The Way I See It #17:

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" they may not be smart enough to say "yes".

Keith Olbermann

Broadcast journalist and

Best of MSNBS's Countdown with Keith Olbermann

When One Door Closes....

Another one opens up......

Well I just hope that that door appears soon......

Had the most crappy week so far, where my escape from reality has been turning off my phones completely, photographing a little bit (despite constant remarks about the things I photographed from someone only appreciating tourist photos, telling me that my photos are odd), making some cards for good friends and just sitting in candlelight alone watching a good movie on the tv....

Thus forgetting all about people, who take me for granted..... who doesn't think that I have a life since I am single and living alone.... people that declares that I am not open to change, while they want things done, as they did in their previous employment..... close family members who are only here for a limited time due to irreversible illness.

The door in the photo appeared to me to day, but despite it not opening up for me, it spoke to me with it's shattered paint etc. - I long for a change, but guess I have to be patient a little bit longer.

Dark Room

Sometimes it is hard not to get lost in a dark room - one looses the ability to look out the window and see life and opportunities.

It would not be true, if I said, that my MS never have an dark effect on me. Luckily I am able to drag myself to the windows. It does not occurs often, nor does it last long. When I end up in that dark room, it is usually due to something happening in my world that suddenly reminds me of the fact, that I do have MS.

Saturday I got lost and ended in that room again - 2 family members needs surgery, and one of them I did not know about until 2 days ago. Suddenly my little knee operation seems unimportant - and yet it will have a positive impace on me when done.

Late Saturday night I browsed through these pictures on my computer (taken during seightseeing a while ago), and yesterday I realised, that they are a mirror image of the thoughts I had during the weekend.

Reflections.....

Everybody, who have seen the news the past 24 hours would know, what has saddened my mind. Not only is Norway a neighbour, but also a nation we share a lot with.

Recieved an email this morning from A Day For Daisies about new digistamp releases, a reminder about the latest challenge and a freebie digistamp. I stared at the stamp, 'cause a card idea immediately occured in my head. I know there is an impromptu memorial being held at the Norwegian Embassy in a couple of hours, but have chosen not to go (even if it is close to where I live) and make this card as a tribute instead.

My Heart Is Bleeding

....for those who got affected by the incident in Oslo a couple of hours ago.

I originally wanted to post a card, that I have created, but it seems so pointless after having heard the news about the capital city of Norway - a city I have visited a couple of times and have fond memories from.

So today the flag of Norway will be waving on my blog.

I Hate Mondays

Well not all Mondays, but some of them just get too much - days where you wished you had a time machine so you could either skip directly to Tuesday or wind back to the moment, where your alarm clock went off and just stay in your bed forgetting all about that day. Bet you have been there once or twice - if not you are lucky.

Whenever I have a bad Monday or workday in general, I look at this cartoon and it makes me smile. I know that others have been in the same situation, and somehow most of us manage to deal with it. It saddens me to think about those, who breaks down with stress, dissease etc in these situations.

My job is stressing and offers so many other challenges, which help me "forget" about the MS for a while. Apparently latest research shows, that stress is not affecting MS. My vent to keep the stress at a distance is my camera and my creative time 

Last Words....

Lost an old colleague today, one that could always make me smile no matter if I was stressed, sick, sad or just in a bad mood...... The sad news made me think of this poem....

My Candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night
Bu ah, my foes, and oh, my friends
It gives a lovely light

Edna St. Vinvent Millay