Monday, September 8, 2014

Closed Door

  


The other day, I passed this doorway like so many other times before that - only this time I noticed the light through the closed door. Grabbed my phone with a sigh to photograph it, as I realized that it spoke the thoughts in my head.

I had just come to turns with the fact that a new MS attack had come my way forcing me to get some nasty additional medicine for a couple of days. I have no doubt: It is my body reacting to me being on board a yacht for 38 days just to return to my office job behind a desk... My body/brain had tried to tell me for weeks, that that sudden end of the adventure of a lifetime (mine) was not acceptable.

Odd fact - the day I left the yacht marked the 12 year anniversary for my MS diagnosis and a few hours ago the boat hit a milestone when they reached Boston, USA after a successful Atlantic crossing - the first day with attack medicine after my trip. I had tears in my eyes when I read about the others reaching Boston - not tears of sadness but of joy as I know that this is such a big achievement for them... crying like I did when reaching Lisbon the end of my journey realising that I have done something extraordinary.

It fills me up with questions about my own future: Will I get through this attack as the previous ones returning almost to normal conditions? Has my part of the sailing adventure taught me that I should to something else than a desk job? Trouble is: has no idea what it should be and I need income to pay rent and food. Has this journey set too high a bar for future adventures awaiting me? On the trip I have learned that it is OK to ask for help or say "No" if the MS hands me those conditions and yet, who should I ask for help other than myself when it comes to future plans?

One thing, I will NEVER regret, is having the courage to sign up for something like that sail trip. It has given me a lot of somethings but also a lot of questions. But guessing that it is just part of life, that one sometimes have to take a chance. Otherwise how can you find new interesting places?

3 comments:

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

I hope things sort out for you. One should never regret, though, taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as you did with your sailing trip.

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

Yes don't have regrets! I am glad you have a job that pays your bills! Hope this relapse is just a memory real soon for you.

Birdie said...

No regrets allowed lady! Be proud of you, like I am; you took the leap and had an adventure many of us will only dream of. Not happy to hear of the MS acting out but I believe you will beat it down just as I have faith you will find the path that is your destiny. I'm always rooting for you ;P