A little earlier you could feel and think - even though a numbness was gaining more and more control of your mind, thought, energy.... just everything...
This might have been the perfect start on the day, but suddenly everything just went their own way... out of your control ... eventhough you desperately tried to take charge and do something not wanting to accept that something is just happening, and you can not do anything about it......
During the summer I was on sickleave for little over a month due to stress - did not see it coming and suddenly I was just ruled "out" - I realised it myself and decided to act on it and immediately got all the support that I needed from some of my colleagues, the firm that I work for and my doctor.... It is not easy to admit, that you suffer from stress....
Sometimes the words "carpe diem" are the greatest tool I have when fighting the MS - at other times they are a curse, as I will stop at nothing to get things done... hence is why I did not realise the stress until it hit me...
Staying at home - with the feeling I was not contributing with anything.... hardest thing ever.... But at the same time I was confident that I could get better... I just neede to change my focus on things... soon I started reading book after book, worked on greating cards that my friends ordered from me, taking a walk everyday, playing with my camera (I took todays pics with one week interval)..... and suddenly I was back on track - different track though but still reaching the destination....
And it is nice when your colleagues mentioned that your spirit seems high, that you look great and full of energy, that they sometimes ask about the stress and how it could be fought with a good outcome.....
Today I actually feel like the first picture -but it is not due to stress. I have a muscle in my neck, that is causing a big-timeheadache (tension) .... and some people ask "Why did you not stay at home?" .. well the answer is - my head works fairly ok today eventough it hurts like ....!! But talking and laughing with my colleagues momentarily makes me forget all about the musclepain...
There is however a downside to this approach - getting home from work, and I wont be able to do anything tonight but sleep and relax - dont think I can concentrate on any bookreading, tv or anything. I experience this once in a while - but I am still lucky, some MS patients feel like this everyday and are therefore unable to have a job.....
Is the glass half empty or half full?? Well mine is half full!! :o)
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